Lupin and Snape's Insanity Reign!
by UtoOfTheNar
Summary: YAY I UPDATED IT! CHAPTER 2 IS UP!
1. Default Chapter

Sakiya: Eee! Too many stories at once! Oh, well! This is my first Harry Potter fic and it is very crazy!!! Like me!!! Anyway it is called "Lupin and Snape's Insanity Reign!" It's about the Harry Potter cast and their cravings and needs, all discovered by Remus Lupin and Severus Snape! Enjoy!!!  
  
Cloud: She doesn't own anything. Only herself.  
  
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It all starts out as a normal day at Hogwarts! Lupin is making himself a sandwich for no apparent reason and then he realizes...  
  
" THERE IS NO CHEESE!!!!!!!!!"  
  
So Lupin went asking everybody in the school for some kraft singles. First he went to ask Snape. His not-so-best-buddy-in-the-whole-wide-world.  
  
"Severus, do you have any kraft singles? 'Cause if you do I need some really bad!"  
  
"No Remus so go away."  
  
Then Lupin ran into Neville Longbottom. "Neville do you have any kraft singles?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
" Kraft-singles! K-R-A-F-T S-I-N-G-L-E-S!!!!!!!!!  
  
"Sorry Professor, I don't remember a thing!" Neville said stupidly.  
  
"Where is Remembrall?"  
  
"I don't know, that's my problem."  
  
"Grr," Lupin growled, "Maybe Severus was right about you."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Oh forget it!" Lupin yelled and ran quickly away.  
  
Next Lupin ran into Nearly Headless Nick.  
  
"Nick, do you have any kraft singles?" Lupin asked quickly and out of breath.  
  
Nick stared and then cried, "Don't remind me about food!!!" He floated away... Quickly.  
  
Lupin stared and then found Professor Trelawney.  
  
"Sybill, do you have any kraft singles?" Lupin asked urgently.  
  
"I predict it will take you a rather long time to find kraft singles and you will have a horrible fate."  
  
"I'll give you a horrible fate. I WILL FEED YOU TO UMBRIDGE!!!"  
  
Everyone stared at Professor Lupin. The Lupin darted away.  
  
"Sirius, do you have any kraft singles?" Lupin's stomach growled with urgency and hunger.  
  
"Um... All I have is a baked potato. WITH NO BUTTER!!!!!!!!! (a/n to come in later chapters.)]  
  
"I'm never going to find bu- kraft singles! **sob**!!!" So Lupin went to find someone else.  
  
Next he found... Severus again.  
  
"Lupin, do you have any chocolate syrup?" Snape asked urgently.  
  
"Uh... no. Do you have any kraft singles yet/"  
  
"No."  
  
"LET'S LOOK TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!" Snape and Lupin yelled. They did a victory dance and went to ask someone else.  
  
They ran into, the Headmaster!!! (A/n Cloud: Does he master heads? Sakiya: GET OUT OF THE STORY AND NO!!!)  
  
"Headmaster do you have any kraft singles or chocolate syrup?" Snape asked, his desire growing along with his impatience.  
  
"Why yes I do! Just come with me to my office."  
  
"YAY!!!"  
  
So after many hours of waiting, Severus Snape and Remus Lupin realized that Albus Dumbledore had lost his marbles and had neither of what they desired.  
  
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**GASP** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**GASP AGAIN** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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Sakiya: HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!! So did ya like? Huh, huh, huh?!? Hop you did!!! 'Cause there will be more insanity tomorrow!!! So be there or be square!!!  
  
Fred: We would like to sell you some of our products while your wai-.  
  
Sakiya: No, no, no! No selling stuff 'cause I don't own you!  
  
George: Aw come on!  
  
Sakiya: Even though I love your inventions...no. So readers please review! I'm desperate!!!  
  
Fred: Believe us, she is!  
  
George: Yep. Anybody want some dung bombs?  
  
People: No thanks!  
  
Fred and George: Aww!  
  
Sakiya: **annoyed sign** 


	2. Bob the cupcake

Sakiya: **whimper** I only got three reviews! **sob** Ok I'm over it!!! In this chapter Lupin and Snape find out what Sirius and Harry desperately need!!! So on with the story!!!  
  
Cloud: She doesn't own anything!  
  
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Well when we left off Snape and Lupin never got what they wanted so they went to the market, got what they needed and came back. When they came back they were surprised to see Harry running around like a clueless idiot asking people something. They decided to investigate!  
  
"Harry what are you doing?" Lupin asked after Harry hit a wall.  
  
"Professor Lupin! Do you have any icing?" Harry asked frantically.  
  
"Um, well, no I don't. Severus might have some, though." Lupin said. He started to think of a nasty joke he once read.  
  
So Harry went to find Professor Snape. Snape was locked in his office with his beloved toppings, like butterscotch and carmel and his chocolate syrup. Harry knocked on the door and heard a very frustrated "GO AWAY!!!!"  
  
"Um, Professor?" Harry asked quietly. "Do you have any icing in there?"  
  
Snape opened the door slightly, "And what do you need icing for Potter?"  
  
Harry sniffled, "MY CUPCAKE HAS NO ICING ON IT!!!!!!" He held up the poor, poor cupcake which was 'bald'. It was a horrible sight to behold.  
  
Snape couldn't take much more of the bald cupcake, "Come with me Potter." Severus grabbed Harry's arm and took off. He ran up staircases, dragging Harry along who was continuously hitting his head on stairs, "ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow"  
  
Snape finally let go of Harry but took Bob the bald cupcake with him. He walked into Flitwick's office. He walked straight up to Flitwick and shoved the cupcake right under his nose.  
  
"Do you see this cupcake?" Severus asked seriously.  
  
Flitwick was very confused, "Yes...."  
  
"What is wrong with this cupcake?"  
  
"It.... Doesn't have any icing."  
  
"Precisely. Now do you have any icing?"  
  
"No I haven't any on me today."  
  
A sick and twisted joke popped up in Severus's sick and twisted mind. He had heard a student tell another student this joke about icing. "You sick and twisted little man!" He yelled and left quickly.  
  
Flitwick stared, wondering what he had said. He shrugged and went back to work.  
  
"Professor... did you get any icing from Professor Flitwick?"  
  
If Severus heard the word icing one more time he was going to explode, "Go look by yourself Potter." And with that Snape went back on his way to his office.  
  
Harry sobbed. Bob was probably going to be bald forever.  
  
Lupin, who was now wondering around outside, was just thinking about a big dinner dish while munching on a sandwich when he heard some footsteps. He turned and saw Sirius running towards him with a horrified look. Lupin tilted his head, "What's wrong Sirius?"  
  
Sirius was panting as he held up a plate; it had a plain baked potato on it. "Lupin," He said out of breath, "DO YOU HAVE ANY BUTTER!?!?!?!"  
  
Lupin was a little blown away by the yell and replied, "No Sirius I don't have any butter."  
  
Sirius whimpered like a dog and ran off; stupidly thinking no one else was going to run away from him. Lupin watched as little first years ran away from a butter deprived Sirius Black. He burst out into unnecessary laughter. That is until he saw Dumbledore standing in front of him. Behind him were a whimpering Harry and a very angry Snape.  
  
"Come with me Remus," Dumbledore said seriously. Remus gulped and followed him.  
  
Dumbledore led them to his office and made them all sit in chairs. They were all looking at him with the 'what the hell do you want' look.  
  
Dumbledore cleared his throat and hacked a loogie and spat it out, nearly missing our beloved Professors. He opened his mouth slowly.  
  
"Why have you three been pestering everyone about food?" He asked croakily, as though his throat was sore.  
  
The three of them stared for a second before our beloved werewolf spoke up.  
  
"Um... well." He started. "We've been pestering people?" He asked with a slight smile. Severus and Harry sighed. Then Bob sighed.  
  
"You are a very pathetic lier!" Severus said to Lupin.  
  
"He was lying?" Dumbledore said astounded. Severus stared.  
  
"No Headmaster I wasn't lying!" Lupin said quickly. "Severus just thinks I am!"  
  
Dumbledore sat down and crossed his fingers. "Fine. Get out."  
  
All of them got up to leave but Dumbledore stopped them, "Not you three. I was talking to Bob."  
  
Severus, now steaming mad, grabbed Bob and bit off part of the poor poor bald cupcake. "Now can WE leave?"  
  
Harry cried, "BOB! YOU KILLED HIM!!!!"  
  
"It was my job..."  
  
Harry cried and ran out of the room, leaving the others staring at him. "What a weirdo."  
  
Well after our beloved Professors left Dumbledore's office in search of something to do, Sirius came up to Remus again.  
  
"Remus do you have any butter NOW!?!" Sirius yelled, pouncing on his friend.  
  
"Ow, NO. Sirius get off me!" Lupin yelled pushing his friend off.  
  
Sirius whimpered like a dog, his potato getting colder by the minute.  
  
Just then a big bar of butter came sliding down the hall and stopped in front of Sirius. "YAY!" He yelled and started to put butter on his potato.  
  
"What a weirdo." Snape said and walked away to the dungeons.  
  
Lupin shook his head at Sirius and began to walk away to go get some sandwiches.  
  
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Sakiya: well that was a weird chapter.... Oh well! ^^!!!  
  
Fred: She gone a bit loony hasn't she George?  
  
George: Yup. But maybe now we can start selling things!  
  
Fred: Yeah!  
  
Sakiya: *clings to fred and george* T.T I love you guys!!!  
  
Both: Oo  
  
Sakiya: Well there ya go! And if you flame the chapter I will feed you to Umbridge! *crazed look* Anyways tell me in your review who you want Severus and Remus find next. Like Ron of someone. Or even He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! Well see yall later!!! 


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